The End!

Posted: March 31, 2017 in Uncategorized

And today (or this entire week actually), I’ve been asked so many “How do you feel about graduating?” questions and I could not for the life of me give even one concrete answer for that. Not because I don’t know how I feel, but because there’s so much happening inside that cannot possibly be put out there in one simple sentence. Because, well, I feel old, having witnessed so many people leaving this campus and hardly ever having it cross my mind that I’d be in their shoes one day. I feel mature, very mature, remembering the things that kept me up at night during freshman year and realizing I’m no longer allowing any of that to bother me now – partially because I faint out the minute I reach bed after all that happens to me during the day 😅, and partially because I’ve indeed outgrown so many things, so many people, and so many feelings that I no longer allow to mess with my brain. I feel different, because every person I got to know (especially this semester) has touched me in some way and left something inside that will forever be embedded in there. I feel funny, realizing that all what my younger versions thought about “graduates” are basically nowhere near true, for I totally still feel like a child inside – a really childish child, and I can’t make it go away. I feel proud, because of all the ways I’ve seen myself deliberately walking out of my comfort zone and amazing myself at all what I turn out to be. I feel a little unsafe, leaving the walls of this building, where I literally have memories buried in its each and every corner; good and bad ones, ones I’ll continue to cherish anyway. I feel like I want to crawl into a corner and cry, because I have absolutely no idea what to expect from the real world, and so far, the few glimpses I’ve taken seem to be pretty scary. I feel excited though, because I still do understand that each phase has its ups and its downs, and a part of me truly cannot wait to watch that upcoming one unfold, with all that it should be bringing along.

I feel too much, but most importantly, I feel too good about knowing that all this will probably never come to an end. I have been waiting to put a final conclusion to this semester on my very last day, only to realize today that there’s no such thing as a “conclusion”; only things continuing to beautifully and very accurately fall into place. I have thankfully seen it happening all through this semester, and I am certain it will forever continue to. For four and a half years ago, it would have never crossed my mind that this is who I’d turn out to be today.

December 21, 2016

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