Archive for September, 2014

The Cause

Posted: September 12, 2014 in Uncategorized

Never really understood the true meaning of “believing in a cause” as much as I do these days.

Believing in a cause gives you all the strength in the world that can actually push you to do things that you never thought you’re capable of. It empowers you, and makes you see things from a very different perspective. You see the bigger picture that had rarely been viewed, and you still notice the very tiny details that are hardly ever noticed, because they all lead to the bigger purpose after all.

There’s nothing more beautiful than having that cause completely taking over your head. You unconsciously start observing everything that has to do with it everywhere you go. Your head starts getting stuffed with it that you eventually begin to let go of all the tiny things that used to keep you up all night thinking about them, and possibly crying yourself to sleep because you can’t get any of them off your mind. You unintentionally start not allowing anything to annoy you, because you’re truly concerned with that one vision that makes it hard for you to allow anyone to stand in your way of reaching it. It wouldn’t take much energy to forgive anymore, because it’s never been easier to forget in the first place. It’s so liberating.

Believe in a cause, and never allow believing in people (or anything temporary for that matter) to top that. For people eventually leave, but the cause is the one thing that will forever remain.
That is a lesson I’ve been taught two years ago, but never really made sense of it as much as I do right now.

And oh well, believing in a cause can change you. Like really change you. It can change you to the point where you’d eventually start finding it hard to recognize yourself when you take a look in the mirror at some point. It’s a very different feeling, and it’s one that I hope will forever last with me. إن شاء الله.

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Junior Year

Posted: September 7, 2014 in Uncategorized

First days make me happy. Like really happy. The beginning of new years in specific. The happiness of everyone else as they smile and hug each other for how long it’s been since they’ve last seen one another. The quick hellos as everyone rushes to check where their classes are, ready to make their first impressions. The stories, the pictures, the togetherness. It’s all heartwarming. I think this is one of the things I’ll miss the most about university when I graduate. The first days.

Speaking of which, I can’t believe that today marks me being halfway there. It’s been two years, and it’s probably almost another two years left. How could it have possibly happened. More precisely, when did it all really happen? Time flies, really.

However, every year seems to be carrying its own pieces as the days pass by. My feelings on each of my last four first days were all very different, that I can’t begin to imagine how the next four would be like. Freshman year was all excitement with a little bit of anxiety towards the unknown. Sophomore me was very good at pretending actually. Pretending to have grown up, pretending to be all goofy and happy. And its second half was me going to the other extreme, pretending like I don’t want to live on this planet anymore, and convincing myself I’ll forever be un-mendable.

I do feel I’m a grown up right now, even though I know I’ll be looking back at myself next year, laughing at the thought of that. Yet still, I’m 20 years old, how could I not feel like one? I think I’ve grown quite confident. There’s still some anxiety though, or a kind of an uncertainty towards where my life is going. But I’m enjoying it so far. I’m finally content with what I want to study. I know what I like, what I can endure, and what I can never handle. I think I’ve grown to know myself more this last year, and I’ve started accepting who she really is.

This year, it’s more of a neutral state. And even though this is one of the years through which I’d need so many people around me, but I know I have to learn how to be more independent. I’m sister-less, I’ve lost too many sources of support, and I’ve learnt the hard way that no one will forever stay by my side except for Him. I’ve been let down a million times, just so I’d learn that I’m doing it the wrong way, and I’m glad I’ve been taught this lesson. My yaqin has been fiercely tested before my first and third years, and I’m very content with where it’s all bringing me now. I’ve learnt a hell lot of things last year, alhamdulillah.

This year, my mind is more occupied that I can’t think of too many trivial stuff that used to concern me a long time ago. Even though they still come back at times, but I know now how they’ll all always end, and that makes things so much easier.

I’m still looking forward to all what this year’s holding, even though I’ve kind of gotten used to it. I’m looking forward to all the people I’m yet to meet, and to how they’re all meant to shape my life one way or the other. I’m not sure who’s meant to leave my life at this point, but I think I’ve grown up enough to not let it hurt me the same way again.

My passion for Writing has been growing more and more through the days, and I’ve signed up for two writing classes this semester that I can’t imagine how they’d affect my personality, after last year’s course. I’m extremely glad I did not just settle for anything less than what I truly enjoy.

Junior year, here I come!